When Love Is Simple But Loving Is Hard

Before you continue reading, I need you to listen to the following songs in the order provided (it'll make sense later lol):

• "Easy" by Samoht

• "Ain't Easy" by Muni Long

  
  

I want you to pay attention to the lyrics and just the way both artists sing the song and how they emote. Allow yourself to be consumed.

A few weeks ago, I decided to listen to Muni Long's entire discography because I kept finding so many hidden gems that I was like fuck it, let's listen to everything while I clean my room and do laundry. The song "Ain't Easy" came on and as I'm listening to the song, I immediately thought of Samoht's song "Easy" one because of the word play on the title of both songs and two I found it interesting how the lyrics paralleled in a way and the fact that it's coming from a guy's perspective and a woman's perspective; it felt like they were both communicating with each other but through music. You hear Samoht, a man, talking about how easy it is to love this person and how it just comes with ease. He's also being overtaken by his physical desire. There's undertones of sexual energy dripping but in such a smooth, playa kind of way that I respect. Meanwhile, Muni Long's "Ain't Easy" made a clear distinction that I feel like many relationships miss: "kissing you easy, making love is easy / But loving you ain't easy"

It's interesting how sometimes the most passionate attraction you can have for someone exists alongside complete emotional disconnection… how they completely set your body on fire and have you in heat – Hot n Ready like a Little Caesar's Pizza, baby — yet leaving your soul feeling cold.

It's a complicated reality many of us have either already experienced or are currently navigating in our romantic lives. Hence, I am going to dive into the raw truth about desire versus devotion in relationships today.

The Science Behind Desire vs. Devotion

This musical contrast perfectly illustrates what science confirms about love and desire. The lyrics in Muni Long's "Ain't Easy" not only resonated with me but also made me realize that it's scientifically backed while I was deep in research of the topic. Research from Rutgers University demonstrates that while lust primarily activates regions associated with physical desire, love engages areas linked to attachment, empathy, and self-regulation. As Muni puts it with brutal honesty, their relationship gets "vicious," leading to a state of "cognitive dissonance" where physical attraction and emotional struggle coexist.

When interviewed about her emotionally raw music, Muni Long revealed, "With this song, I was really going through it... it was a tough moment for me." This authenticity hits different from the idealized version of love in Samoht's track.

This dissonance isn't just psychological….it's neurological. According to psychologist Chris Segrin, "Lust is more about the self, one's own desires," while love involves "concern for the welfare of that person." The brain literally processes these experiences differently.

A 2012 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine mapped how love and lust activate similar neural networks but in different locations, suggesting they're related but distinct experiences. When Samoht describes love as something that "comes easy to me," he's likely experiencing primarily the dopamine and testosterone surge of attraction, not the oxytocin-driven attachment of established love.

The Reality of Relationships

The transition from "Easy" to "Ain't Easy" is where most relationships either level up or fall apart. Physical desire might be instant, but emotional connection requires:

• Vulnerability when you'd rather hide

• Communication when you'd rather withdraw

• Presence when you'd rather escape

• Acceptance when you'd rather judge

• Forgiveness when you'd rather hold grudges

  
  

My Personal Definition of Love

There are three questions I ask myself, which in a way is how I define love:

1. Am I heard/understood by this person?

2. Am I seen by this person?

3. And do I matter to this person?

   
   

If the answer isn't yes to all three, then love isn't in the room. This is my compass in how I interact with people and maintain the relationships I have and how I assess who I give access to me. There's a whole process I created for myself in how I determine the answer to be yes for each question, a framework that helps me evaluate both what I receive and what I'm able to give. I encourage you to do the same because it helps you be more intentional in what you're looking for and evaluating your own capacity of what you're able to give as well.

I believe in reciprocity.

If I can't give what I'm demanding or at least an alternative to what I'm demanding that is just as fair and equal, then there's no reason for me to be in a relationship. The relationship should be mutually beneficial, and I damn sure will ensure it's benefiting me regardless. Tricky….. I know lol.

The point is none of this shit is easy. Some aspects come naturally to others while most, if not all, don't.

All of it demands conscious effort, emotional maturity, and the willingness to choose someone repeatedly even when the newness of the love fades away. I feel like the significant difference between these songs isn't just about physical vs. emotional; it's about being truly known.

Samoht's lyrics center a person's love with the feeling someone gives him. While Muni Long's convey someone struggling with the reality of who her partner actually is. The distinction matters because sustainable love isn't just about how someone makes us feel; it's about who they help us become. It's about being witnessed, challenged, and accepted in our fullness.

I feel like most relationships exist somewhere between these two songs: moments of easy connection mixed with periods of difficult growth.

The question isn't whether love is easy or hard but whether we're willing to embrace both realities: that desire can come easily, but devotion demands effort; that connection can feel magical, but maintenance requires intention; that love at its best isn't just passionate or practical—it's both.

In the end, perhaps the most profound relationships aren't the ones that never struggle, but the ones where two people look at all the difficulties and still choose each other; not because it's easy, but because they've discovered something more valuable than ease.