You Are In Control Of You

Having had years of being in individual & group therapy, there were a lot of revelations I've experienced in understanding myself and making sense of the moments in my life that made a significant impact.

A consistent pattern in my behavior at the time was the lack of emotional regulation. This realization, paired with a TikTok video I saw of a woman saying that you are in control of yourself and that you choose who you allow to be a part of your life, lit a light bulb in my head. It sparked my journey of understanding and experiencing the power of emotional sovereignty.

An affirmation/mantra I always remind myself is the following:

No one has the power to make me feel any kind of way

unless I give them permission to do so.

It's simple yet powerful in making me realize the capacity I hold in controlling how I respond, make decisions, and think, rather than being controlled by circumstances out of my control or other people's actions.

The Wake-Up Call

I have had moments where I would react in such a negative way—outside of myself if you will—and hated how certain individuals would get a rise out of me. When I realized that they fed off of my reaction, it clicked in my brain that I was being controlled by them because I allowed them to.

I had to first take full accountability for allowing people to get a rise out of me because the power in controlling myself was in my hands, within me. From then on, I focused on improving my self-talk and created a different framework in how I process conversations with myself and people, especially the difficult ones lol.

A New Framework for Processing Interactions

When faced with challenging interactions, I would ask myself certain questions like:

• Why is this person telling me this?

• Why are they insulting me?

• Why are they using something I've trusted them with to spit back in my face or tell others who shouldn't have known?

• Why are they being very passive aggressive?

  
  

I always start with "why?" because instead of overthinking and going into the remnants of people-pleaser mode I have, I remain still and realize two important things:

1. I'm being baited to engage in playing these stupid games

2. It doesn't have anything to do with me in the first place

   
   

Dealing with Difficult People

When getting to the first point, there are people who envy certain qualities about you, who then think they're in competition with you because they're trying to prove to themselves they are better than you. It's quite pathetic honestly because I personally think that's why they live: to attempt at being a thorn on your side.

The best ways to deal with those types of people are either:

Ignore them. Pay them no mind, as though they never existed in your reality.

Or

Play dumb. You can see through their tactics but don't give any energy into it. This is quite literally my favorite thing to do because I'm laughing and chuckling internally at noticing what they're trying to do. The operative word being "trying," yet I act oblivious. I'm not only withholding energy from their BS but also controlling my narrative in how I'm being perceived, because people who tend to behave this way want to ruin your image and further their agenda.

It's Rarely About You

The second point—that it doesn't have anything to do with me—will make sense through experience. When you read it, it's logical to be like, "yeah, that's true," but for it to truly resonate with you, you've had to be self-aware and understand your own B.S.

For instance, I have had many moments in my life where internally I'm in turmoil, causing me to not be a very pleasant person to be around. Someone might've taken their interaction with me and thought I hated them or had a problem with them, unaware of what it could've possibly been.

When in reality, it was me having a problem with myself and needing to learn how to manage myself so that I'm not spilling any emotional burden or negativity onto others.

With me being able to realize that about myself and experience people who were fighting their own demons and attempted to use me as a conduit to release their frustrations, I realize it has nothing to do with me.

The Power of Self-Talk

Talking to yourself, improving your own self-talk in how you see yourself, and removing any limitations you've set upon yourself will open your eyes to a myriad of possibilities you can make with your life. You'll understand the power and capacity you truly have in being able to govern your own life.

Being able to be in control of yourself means you truly love you. This means you're able to:

1. Process what's happening from an objective point of view

2. Validate any emotions you're feeling/processing

3. Think strategically about how to make the best out of this situation without having to come out of your centered self

   
   

Remember that you are a centered-being at your core; someone who is grounded in their own power and not easily swayed by external forces.

A Lifelong Journey

Not gonna lie, I still have my moments where I want to fuck someone up before going back to being centered, although that doesn't happen often. To that I say: duality lol.

I have been and am on a lifelong journey in developing emotional sovereignty. Most days flow with ease and other times I'm having to manage myself using all the tools I've learned when challenged.

It's not about perfection, but the ongoing commitment in reclaiming your power, one response at a time.

Say it with me:

No one has the power to make me feel any kind of way unless I allow them to.

Did you feel the paradigm shift in your mind?

The choice is yours.

As always, stay tricky, be open-minded, and get curious.

Until next time,

Tricky Sol